A lot of you that follow me, whether via this blog or on social media, have probably noticed that I do a lot of things to challenge myself. Fast from meat, or a 90 day fitness challenge, or no social media for a month. Most recently I did a 30 day fast from cheese, which was extremely difficult but very very necessary.
I always love the results that come from these challenges. They're always so revealing. For example, when I fasted from meat, I realized how much I really love vegetarian meals and how little I actually needed meat to feel full... I started to realize when it was that I really enjoyed meat and when I didn't. I loved the way my body felt, and how energized I was, and it was a really great experience learning new recipes that I have since forgotten. Sigh.
My 90-day fitness challenge taught me that I HATE repetition. I didn't like waking up at the same time to go to the same place to do the same workouts. What I loved about the challenge was how my body adjusted to these workouts... So even though I complained, I did get some pretty amazing results.
The cheese fast that I just did showed me how habitually I eat cheese. It's actually kind of ridiculous. I eat cheese strictly out of habit and not out of desire, I have now made that adjustment.
So with that most recent fast finishing, I started to think about what other ways I can challenge myself and hence improve myself... I realize for myself, I consider myself pretty physically strong and fit, so I don't work out consistently, which as I'm growing older is starting to catch up with me. So I decided I would commit to 31 days of activity. Every day in May. That challenge didn't seem like it was enough of a challenge for me, so I started to think deeper.
I looked at myself in the mirror. I mean all of me. I examined my face, my hair, my body, and looked at what was really going on. I've always had pretty bad acne, well, post high school at least, and I've tried just about everything to make the acne go away. Like yo-yo diets, the acne always comes back... I realized the one thing I haven't changed since high school is how frequently I wear make-up. And I really don't wear a lot of make-up on a regular day. I fill in my eyebrows and I wear a bronzer or blush, and that's the extent of it. But I think my face really just needs a break!
I've gone natural with a lot of things, natural hair products, natural soaps, and I can feel and see a difference in my body, yet I still wear make-up with ingredients I can't even pronounce... No wonder I still have acne!
I didn't think that it would, but the thought of not wearing make-up scared me! I immediately thought about how other people would view me, or how my skin would look in pictures or how I would look next to my beautiful friends... If I could compete or stand out or be beautiful without it. I thought, "would people think I'm gay, I mean, my hair is short and I dress like a tomboy a lot", and "how old will people think I am" and then I got disgusted with how caught I was in other people's opinions of how I looked! Who gives a damn?!
We live in a generation of people who are constantly criticizing the next person in order to avoid their own issues with self... I can't let those criticisms get to me...
I've always been in the spotlight, and that has taught me how to make my face presentable for the camera, for the stage, for the club, for a fancy dinner, a wedding, the whole nine. But I have no idea how to care for my face in the same way! My God-given, perfectly crafted face. That's a shame.
As much as this challenge scares me, I know that I will come out a better person because of it. It's just another step in embracing myself and unlearning societal norms of what it means to be a woman.