Who I was is NOT who I am....

Time flies fast as hell when you're an adult.  People tell you that when you're a kid, A LOT.  You never believe it because you just want to get to the next phase in your adulthood, to gain whatever freedom you think you'll gain... 

For the longest time, I've been so focused on the next accomplishment, thinking that I've mastered each level once I've stepped into it.  I'm impatient.  I become more and more aware of that every day. But I work on slowing down daily... That's kinda besides the point for right now.  

Lately, things have been moving so fast.  A lot of them positive, amazing, beautiful things.  Every advancement a clear sign to me that things are changing for the better... So quickly I forget how with each accomplishment there is still so much to be learned.  I feel like in those moments of arrogance, when you think you know everything, that's when resistance catches up with you.  

For me, resistance always comes in the form of my past catching up with me.  Something I thought I'd gotten past, something I believed was through catches me and reminds me of where I've come from.  

It hurts more than anything to be reminded of the person you were when you weren't very happy. Even worse to experience the repercussions of a time when you weren't navigating at your highest spiritual self.  

In short, this week challenged me.  It put me back where I never wanted to be.  

Today I had to affirm myself that who I was is NOT who I am... Every time the past has caught up with me, I've beat myself for being so f'n stupid back then. Yes, I know I was growing up and all of that, but I've done some shady things that I am not proud of.  I've hurt a lot of incredible people, and all in all have questioned myself in trying to figure out where I'd been hurt enough to feel the need to hurt the people around me so frequently. I'm not proud of the person I was.  

What's different now, is this time, resistance isn't going to fool me.  I made mistakes, ones that I could regret if I allowed myself to.  But when I think about who I was when I made those mistakes and who I am now, I honestly can't identify with the old me. That let's me know I've evolved, and that's all we're really trying to do, right? Grow, learn, evolve.  

Evolution is most definitely a continuous gift...